File a Claim

We are here. We have always been here. We will be here when you need us. That is the point of us.

Before You File

Filing a claim with Eternal Assurance requires confirmation that a covered event has occurred, is occurring, or — in the case of several of our policies — has become statistically inevitable. Please review the criteria below before submitting.

Note: The Long Goodbye policy does not require a triggering event filing. Coverage is perpetual. Your beneficiaries will be contacted at the appropriate time. We have not yet determined precisely how. We are working on this.

Sample Claims — For Reference

The following are representative examples from our claims file, reproduced with permission and with identifying details altered where the triggering event itself did not already alter them.

Claim No. EA-2024-0047 · Consciousness Continuity Plan ✓ PAID

"I enrolled in a 12-week intensive self-actualization program in 2019. I completed it. The person who enrolled is not the person who emerged. I cannot locate him. I have his memories but not his priorities, his fears, or his diet. I am filing under the Ship of Theseus Rider. I have included a note from my therapist confirming that she also does not recognize me, though she says this is progress."

Claim approved. Ship of Theseus Rider confirmed applicable. Payout: full. Note from our underwriting team: "We reviewed the therapist's letter. We agree this is progress. We are covering it anyway."

Claim No. EA-2023-0019 · Executive Indecision Coverage ✓ PAID

"In Q3 2022, our leadership team spent eleven months deciding whether to rebrand. We did not rebrand. The opportunity passed. Two competitors rebranded. One of them is now doing considerably better. I have attached the meeting minutes. There are 47 of them. The final entry reads: 'Tabled pending further discussion.' There was no further discussion."

Claim approved. Opportunity cost documented and assessed. Payout issued. Our claims adjuster noted: "The 47 meeting minutes were reviewed in full. This is, by our records, the most thoroughly documented non-decision in our claims history. We found it instructive."

Claim No. EA-2025-0003 · Basilisk Liability Rider [REDACTED]

The details of this claim are not available for public review. The claimant is aware of the outcome. The outcome is not available for public review either. We note that the claim was filed, reviewed, and resolved. We consider our record unblemished.

Claim Eligibility by Policy

The Singularity Rider

Claim is triggered upon independent confirmation by two or more recognized AI research institutions that artificial general intelligence has been achieved. Self-reporting by the AGI itself is accepted, subject to verification by a panel of philosophers and at least one confirmed skeptic. The skeptic must not be employed by the AGI.

Processing time: expedited, circumstances permitting. We note that circumstances may not permit.

The Great Filter Policy

Coverage activates upon confirmation of a Fermi paradox resolution scenario. Claimant must provide documentation of the scenario type. In the event documentation is impossible due to the nature of the scenario, coverage is assumed active. We have prepared for this contingency. We cannot describe our preparation here.

Processing time: as circumstances allow. We acknowledge circumstances may not allow.

The Long Goodbye

No claim required. Coverage is perpetual and automatic. Payout is guaranteed at heat death of the universe. Your beneficiaries will be notified. We have not worked out the notification logistics in full. We have significant time remaining to do so and are prioritizing accordingly.

Processing time: ~10¹⁰⁰ years. Expedited review not available for this policy.

Consciousness Continuity Plan

Claim requires a written statement addressing the philosophical question of whether the claimant is the same entity that purchased the policy. We acknowledge this is difficult. We acknowledge that the difficulty is, itself, evidence of a covered event. We cover both.

Processing time: variable. Depends on metaphysical complexity and whether the claimant can agree with themselves on the submission date.

Executive Indecision Coverage

Submit documented evidence of the decision not made, a reasonable estimate of the opportunity cost, and a brief explanation of why you still aren't sure. No judgment. We have covered larger indecisions than yours. We have covered indecisions that restructured industries. Yours is fine.

Processing time: 10–15 business days. Or longer, if we also need to decide something.

Submit a Claim

Send all claim documentation to info@eternalassurance.com. Include your policy number, the nature of the triggering event, and any supporting evidence. In scenarios where supporting evidence has ceased to exist, a written description is acceptable. In scenarios where you have also ceased to exist, a representative may file on your behalf.

A representative will respond within a reasonable timeframe, accounting for current civilizational continuity conditions.

Note: For coverage of appliance-related sentient behavior incidents, please contact our affiliated carrier Sentient Toaster Insurance. We handle the existential. They handle the electrical.

Claims Record

Eternal Assurance has paid every claim submitted and adjudicated to date. We consider our record unblemished. We note that the policies covering events which have not yet occurred are, by definition, still in force. We are prepared. We have always been prepared. Preparation is the product.